I haven’t been able to write lately; I’ve lost my momentum. Today I will just write – something – off the cuff, stream of consciousness.
The title is a quote from the Grinch in one of my favorite scenes. When I first saw the movie I laughed out loud not so much because it was funny, but because I related so hard to his rants.
“Even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn’t allow it. 4:00, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one; 5:30, jazzercize; 6:30, dinner with me – I can’t cancel that again; 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing… I’m booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9:00, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear?”
I do have an excuse, if one is needed; I’m sick as a dog right now, and since the new semester started have been a little over-busy. But if I’m honest, I haven’t known what to say. There are times in life when either A) everything should be said, or B) nothing.
In a creative lull, or just overwhelmed with all the things, I have found reprieve in reminding myself of what I enjoy. I have largely lived a life of putting off and ignoring what I like in order to fully embrace what needs doing, but there are bits of joy that can make me smile, that I can get lost in. The Grinch is one of those joys. I’m too exhausted and ill at the moment to psychoanalyze my affinity for such an ugly, reticent, rotten, rude, and reclusive creature, so I will leave that for you to do, if you’re into it.
What else do I like.
Well, a clean house is nice. Sitting in silence in a clean house. A poem I’ve always loved but forgotten. Or finding one of my own poems tucked away somewhere, and remembering the feeling or moment that led to writing it.
Good coffee, black, in a beautiful pottery mug. The feeling of accomplishment when I post a lesson or finish a goal for the day. Actually sleeping (rare). Getting lost in the diamonds on snow. Walking up a grassy hill in summer, pretending I’m in the movie Braveheart or maybe another less violent film set in the Scottish countryside. Ocean sounds when there is a soft breeze and it’s not too hot, and people haven’t found your stretch of beach yet. The sound of a paddle in a canoe, the gentle dip and turn, the soft gurgling sound of the lake water.
Looking through old photographs and remembering the sound of my son’s laugh when he was young, or my daughter’s little chirping voice as they played and she explained the game of the hour. The fun when we first got our new puppy years ago, and had no idea the things she would chew…just rolling around on the deck and playing. Or watching my kids hold a batch of kittens, giving them ridiculous names that somehow made perfect sense and we still remember to this day.
It can be healing to get lost for a while in nostalgia or a hobby, until the grit of present responsibility or reality makes itself known. However, I also take joy in present realities, because there are many, many beautiful things and people to behold. Life is full of promise still, it’s just a different kind.
I’m so tired of all the voices telling me what I should do, or who I should be, or what I should think. It’s time to be kind to myself for a change. And maybe that’s why I love the Grinch so much, just like I loved Oscar the Grouch when I was a very little girl. Neither of those guys was defined by how others thought they should behave. And both of them had big hearts – well, eventually. Did Oscar care what his face looked like, or if he was smiling, or if he had an old banana peel hanging off his shoulder? I think not. Did we love him anyway? We sure did. Did the Grinch care what the Whos thought while he hollered and shouted about the over-gifted, loud, annoying, commercialized Christmas season? I don’t think so!
I am going cross-eyed staring at the screen. It might be the fever. So if I’ve written something atrocious, just chock it up to that.
Will I ever finish sorting out all the garbage in this can? Not today; today I need to eat something, look alive, put real clothes on (over-rated), and get some work done. These lessons aren’t going to write themselves!
Let me leave you with some choice wisdom from our little smelly friend, Oscar.
“Embrace your mess; it’s part of who you are!”
“It’s not garbage; it’s a collection of character!”
“Why enjoy the moment when you can complain about it?”
Have a crappy day!! (No, don’t really, have a lovely day. Just don’t tell Oscar or the Grinch I said that, they will punt me right out of their club.)
Stories for Humans 